Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Statements on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Vice President
For Immediate Release
November 25, 2009

STATEMENT BY VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN ON THE 10th ANNIVERSARY OF THE INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR THE ELIMINATION OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
November 25, 2009
“Violence against women is found in every culture around the world. It is one of our most pervasive global problems, yet it is preventable. When gang rape is a weapon of war, when women are beaten behind closed doors, or when young girls are trafficked in brothels and fields - we all suffer. This violence robs women and girls of their full potential, causes untold human suffering, and has great social and economic costs. On this 10th anniversary of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, I urge all Americans to join with the international community in calling for an end to these abuses.”


USUN PRESS RELEASE # 285 November 25, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Statement by Ambassador Susan E. Rice, U.S. Permanent Representative to the United Nations, on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, November 25, 2009

Today the United States joins with activists, advocates, and leaders from all over the globe in recognizing the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. This day is of particular importance because women continue to be subjected daily to physical, sexual, psychological and economic abuse -- regardless of age, race, culture, economic status or location. No country is free of this scourge. In the United States, women experience 2 million injuries and 1200 deaths per year as a result of violence by husbands or intimate partners. Furthermore, research by the United Nations Women’s Fund found that in some countries, up to seventy percent of women have experienced physical or sexual violence by men. In situations of war and conflict, the prevalence of rape and sexual violence is horrific, with thousands of women and girls gang-raped, mutilated, and forced into sexual slavery every single day.

Gender-based violence is a terrible reality that leaders of all nations must address and prevent through national and international action. The Obama Administration has worked with member states in the United Nations to strengthen the international community’s response. In September, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton led the Security Council in its adoption of Resolution 1888, which calls upon the Secretary-General to appoint a Special Representative to lead, coordinate and advocate for efforts to prevent sexual violence and to end impunity for perpetrators. The United States has urged the UN General Assembly to highlight issues of sexual violence in its deliberations to create a stronger, more effective women’s agency in the UN. And, in October, the United States strongly supported the adoption of Security Council Resolution 1889, which condemned continuing sexual violence against women in conflict and post-conflict situations and called for a wide range of measures to strengthen the participation of women at all stages of peace processes.

The ability of all women and girls to live free from abuse and fear is a fundamental human right. As we mark the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, the United States renews its resolve and commitment to fight gender-based violence in all its forms. We call upon the international community to collaborate to end these atrocities, to better protect women and girls, and to end impunity for perpetrators of gender based violence.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Finally, Some Relatively Positive Funding News!

On Tuesday, I attended a day-long gathering of domestic violence providers who are funded by the Department of Children and Families. We gather together quarterly to receive updates on the work of DCF in the area of domestic violence and to have a discussion or a speaker address a particular issue that is affecting our work and the people we serve.

At this most recent meeting, we were informed that the budget cut to DCF domestic violence funding -- which we expected to be 2.4%, the announced across-the-board cut to all programs – was reduced to 1.91%. This is great news to all of us, and the room erupted in cheers. It was powerful to hear DCF staff people say that they worked hard crunching numbers and whittling the number down so that it would have the least impact as possible. And they explained they did all of this because they understand how important and necessary our efforts are upon the lives of children and adults who need domestic violence services and support. What a blessing to hear our state funders acknowledge the importance of what we do!

Not only that, DCF is now compiling the statistics that each program submits every month so that they can report at to us at the quarterly meetings the number of people our programs are serving across the state. For example, there have been more than 2,000 intakes completed across the state this year in domestic violence shelters, child witness to violence programs, community-based programs and visitation centers. And the Massachusetts statewide hotline (Safelink 877-785-2020) took more than 17,000 calls; of those, more than 5,000 referrals were made other than shelter. When we get to see numbers like this, we realize the impact our joint effort is making. Our politicians and state administrators cannot deny the impact of the services we provide when we have these numbers to show.

On December 2, Renewal House is sponsoring a gathering of people engaged in faith-based work on domestic violence. We have eight people representing six agencies who have already signed on to participate. When I sent out the general invite to the Jane Doe Inc website, I received three calls of interest. Just yesterday, I received a phone call from an individual who has been engaged in domestic violence work for more than 20 years. She said, “I was just thinking that this time in our world is ‘ripe’ for spiritual fruition in the area of domestic violence. I am so glad you are doing this.” We have touched a nerve – and opened a door – and we are looking forward to seeing what will come of this next venture.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Parenting in Difficult Times

Parenting is a difficult job. Single parenting is even more challenging. Parenting when you are in a domestic violence relationship compounds the difficulty. And even after leaving a domestic violence relationship, parenting remains a struggle. Not to mention parenting in a shelter with a group of people you have not chosen to live with, and who are also healing from domestic violence. Parenting in a shelter can be very stressful.

We discuss the challenges of living in shelter at our house meetings. We ask our residents to share with us what is most difficult for themselves and their children about being in this setting. And we challenge our residents to discover new ways of interacting and being with one another, despite their differences.

This is not easy work. Because of the abuse that our residents suffered, it is often difficult for them to believe that open communication is possible without the situation resulting in abuse or “punishment.” Teaching our residents that it is ok to be vulnerable, and that they can share their deepest needs and be met with respect and understanding, is an ongoing challenge for our staff. In addition, many of our residents learned that fighting is the only way to approach conflict. Yelling, swearing, threatening, and calling people names is the strategy they learned, and that is how they choose to approach conflict.

How do we show them a different way?

At this week’s house meeting, we discussed the impulse to yell, hit or threaten our children. Because parenting is such hard work and so emotionally demanding we often see our residents struggling with discipline issues. Children are smart. They know when things are not “right” with their parent and this can frighten them. Often children act out as a result of sensing change, uneasiness or stress. Additionally, some of our families are involved with the Department of Children and Families (DCF). Because of the domestic violence these families experienced, DCF gets involved to support the non-offending parent and to try to assess what is best for this family moving forward.

Because of DCF involvement, many of our families are concerned that their children will be taken from them. As you can imagine, this is NOT what they want. And our role as a shelter is to support the survivor and his/her relationship with their children. We are there to help them make sense of their role as parents, process their experiences as survivors of domestic violence, and learn important techniques about parenting children who have witnessed abuse. This is challenging work to model – and challenging work to learn – especially when other patterns get in the way of being the best parent possible.

At the house meeting, I shared with residents the fact that Renewal House staff members are concerned about how the residents interact with their children. We believe they are good parents. We believe they want to do what’s right. And we see them sometimes “losing it” with their children. Sometimes this manifests itself through yelling, threatening and “tapping” them. It is our role as shelter staff to address the actions we feel are troubling or unhealthy for the children in an effort to both protect the child and support the parent.

All parents struggle with managing stress. Parenting is the most difficult and demanding work that one will ever do. And sometimes we are NOT at our best. And sometimes our children are not at their best, either. But the ability to recognize when things are getting out of control or too stressful, and to have ways to soothe oneself and one’s children, is the key to de-escalating and making healthier choices.

The problem is that some families and parents are targeted by DCF and other child protection agencies, and the involvement is difficult to end. In reality, all of us parents need a lot more resource than we have. But some of us are more connected to resource and can find people who can help, whether through family, friends or a professional children’s therapist. Even then, however, all of us struggle to control our anger and stress and try not to take out our frustration on our children. All parents need circles of accountability to help us be the best parents we can be. And we will fail at times – and we CAN learn from our failures with the right support.

So I let the parents know that we want them to be the best parents they can be. We want to encourage, support and even challenge them to engage in this “job” of parenting as much as they possibly can. And when we see them struggling, we want to be able to step in and give them a break as a way of providing support, and not as a way to criticize and judge them. For all of us need a community that believes in us and wants to work with us to succeed. At Renewal House, we are hoping to offer that opportunity to all those with whom we work, and to be an ally to the children as well as the parents.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Budget Cuts and Rainbows

The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow,
But the rainbow won’t wait while you do the work
~ Author Unknown

At times, the work of ending domestic violence can overwhelm a person – or a community or a team. There is so much to be done. There are so many lives to save, and so much injustice all around us. We find ourselves called to action over and over and over again. And yet, we cannot do this work well if we are not taking moments to step away from it and notice the beauty that is in the world, in humanity and in our community. When we don’t make time for ourselves, we can lose ourselves in the work and become victims of it as well.

We received the news this week that the state budget line item for domestic violence services will be cut by 2.4%. This is not as devastating as we feared. However, it is a cut, and all programs across the state are making difficult decisions about how this cut will impact their programs and services. We were asked how we would like the cuts to be divided – across all programs, only to community-based programs, or only to supervised visitation centers. And the resounding answer from Executive Directors across the state was, “make the cut equal across the board, and let each individual program determine how to implement it.” It was inspiring to hear director after director agree on the point that all of our programs matter, and we would rather share the pain than ask some agencies to take a deeper cut.

On Tuesday morning, I attended a training session at the Department of Public Health on a new initiative sponsored by DPH, Fenway Community Health, Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition, Massachusetts Coalition for Suicide Prevention and Samaritans hotline. The meeting was about rolling out a new initiative aimed at educating providers about issues related to transgender clients, particularly around suicidality. I found it heartening that approximately 100 people attended the event, and I was happy to see people caring about supporting those who are often marginalized and ignored.

All of us were grateful for the opportunity to hear about various efforts people have undertaken to make their agencies and programs more trans-friendly. The statistics around suicide in the transgender community are troubling and can feel overwhelming. We want to help, and it is encouraging to know that tools and resources are available. Hopefully, those who attended the conference will carry this information back to communities across Massachusetts and make a difference.

And now, it is Friday. The week has come to a close. I feel as though there is so much more to be done. Yet the rainbow will not wait – and neither will my child.

Blessings to you on your weekend
Blessings to you in your work
And may we all remember to take the moment to appreciate the beauty of what is happening in the moment – because if we miss it – it will fade and so will we.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Conflict Mediation

For the last few weeks at the shelter, Renewal House staff members have been mediating a great deal of conflict among our residents. I find this work to be the most draining of all the work we do. We must first negotiate and re-negotiate schedules so that everyone can sit down together, and it takes time and energy to listen to each person’s side of the story. But the conflict also has a life of its own at times. And when we do finally sit down together, those involved in the conflict often have nothing to say at first, or they are resistant to being open and honest. Sometimes, they explode in full-fledged anger.

Anger is a tricky thing. All of our families of origin had different ideas about anger and if, how and when it should be expressed. All of us manage anger differently. Some of us cannot help but show it – others sweep it away under a distant rug in the hopes it will just stay there. And yet, in many ways, anger is a good thing. There are many things in this world and in this life that we rightfully could be angry about. Have you seen that bumper sticker that reads, “If you’re not ENRAGED then you’re not paying attention”? I appreciate the sentiment and yet I’m aware that none us is has been provided with instructions about how to express that rage.

What we need are some lessons on how to express anger. Children are not given a lot of room to express anger. And anger in adults, particularly women, is not a trait that is deemed attractive or even acceptable.

The residents we work with get very angry. They are angry about having to live in a shelter. They are angry at the system (courts, social service agencies, etc.), which is not always helpful to them. They are angry about not having access to housing or decent childcare or healthcare. They are angry about the violence they have experienced or that their children witnessed. They are angry about losing their jobs and having to move. They are angry at their ex-partners. They are angry at the world that appears -- and often is -- so unjust to them. And most of us would agree that they have every right to be angry.

The question for Renewal House staff is how do we help them express and channel their anger in ways that are helpful to them rather than harmful?

At a recent meeting with the Department of Children and Families, one of the social workers observed that once someone is in their system, they must fight pretty hard to get out. Once a child abuse and neglect report is filed, the family or individual is under scrutiny for years, and even a slight mistake can lead to a threat of their child being removed from the home and/or losing custody altogether. One of the families we are working with at Renewal House is struggling in this area. And it is hard for the parent to see that any expression of anger she directs toward a security guard, childcare worker, or even another resident in the shelter can lead to an investigation and further concern over her “fitness” to be a parent.

This past week, I have watched our staff manage conflict after conflict after conflict. Of course, this is a normal part of their work, but we have seen over this last week an increase in clashes and a heightened level of tension. In the conflict resolution meetings, we acknowledge that their anger is ok, but the way in which they are expressing it is not always helpful or appropriate. It is an educational moment that most of us never receive. For when we show anger in our society, we are often shunned, ignored, or even reported.

The opportunity we have at Renewal House is to sit with residents in their anger without reacting, condemning or condoning. We simply say, “Here is a moment that can be educational for all of us. Let us help you now before your anger puts your safety and well-being in jeopardy.” Helping people work through their anger issues is difficult work, but it offers great opportunities for people to make personal changes in their behavior that will bring them more inner peace and healthier relationships.